I miss my mom. When I miss my mom like this, it makes it difficult to work, to play, to focus on much. Its a gray time - matches the color of the weather we've been having. I was reminded that its only been 4 months. I can see my impatience gripping on to this grief process. Trying to nip it, make it smaller, make it manageable, make it Go Away!
Yeah, now I'm back to the regular coping mechanism for feeling bad. Make it go away. Distract...anything to keep me from that base emotion of "I miss my mom and there is nothing I can do about it." Thank God, grief has its own life, a master of its own destiny because if I had my way - I don't think I would choose to feel this way. This muted veil that keeps me from being in my "active life." The active life that is engaged with an exterior world. No, grief takes over the interior doings, the soul and spirit. Grief demands this attention and when it asks for this attention, it expects to receive it. My resistance only makes things more complicated. Letting go and surrendering means saying no to "my way" and hello to the "soul's way." I think I can give my mom, my loss, my family and myself some time to visit with this intense place.
