Wednesday, October 14, 2009

The Journey Home




The Journey

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice --
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.

"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.

It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do --
determined to save
the only life you could save.

- Mary Oliver

I love this poem because it encapsulates the mind body integration work. When we start clearing the obstacles of deeply held beliefs and the energy it holds in the body....we can hear that "...new voice which you slowly recognize as your own." It is amazing what tumbles out when there is space created from the energetic release. But first you must have the courage to walk into the wild night.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Life on Life's Terms



My big sister passed away on the 29th of September at age 60. She had multiple health problems and challenges. For her body, it was a blessing to be relieved of the suffering and fighting to stay alive. For her spirit, I'm sure it is still a blessing to be free of earthly constraints.
For me, I am left with a hole in my heart that is running around looking for her to share my latest experiences, thoughts, laughs and all that we talked about when we got together. I am no stranger to grief but I guess I didn't expect to revisit this process quite so soon.
It is odd to experience a shifting family foundation. I know my foundation is in place but I took it for granted that it would be supported by a continuing relationship with family members. I have one sister left. My father in just one month's time has crossed over the line into dementia so I don't really feel like I "have" him anymore.
It is the beginning of a new season for me and my idea of family. I am so blessed by the many many friends that I can call family. I am blessed for the reminder that I was raised in a loving Catholic environment. I feel no need to "recover" from my Catholic upbringing. It was kind, loving and all priority was given toward service. The vigil that we had for Brigid reflected those values and I was reminded of how we girls were raised by our parents and by the Church.
My time, though sad, is full of gratitude and blessings for all that I have been given in this life. I am just a little closer than I was before in appreciating the experience of being alive. It doesn't last forever, that much is guaranteed.