See that ball? See that pin flag on the green? I wish I could navigate my life as easy as putting a ball on the green to the desired target. This stuff though ain't no fun to navigate and I'm not very good at it. Ha! Who would know what "good" is, anyway?
My dad - living on his own since mom died. He's doing okay for himself. Feeds himself out of the meals we daughters have made for him in the freezer. Picks up his medication and goes to his doctors appointments. Tries to walk a little bit during the day. And my heart breaks for him. It breaks when I talk to him on the phone. It breaks when I see him and hang out with him. He has become in my mind "elderly." I don't know why I've not called him that before. Perhaps he had my mother to lean on and his wit is still strong and sharp. But after this visit, I see that he is elderly. That one fall will break his bones - that his body is breaking down in its age. Small meals, quick and frequent visits to the bathroom, faulty and missing short term memory banks, confusion for small understandings. And my heart breaks because he is going too. He is going where my mom so happily resides now. I don't know when but it won't be long. I don't get the feeling that we will be moving him up here. Its too much for him. He says he will go quickly and not to worry about anything. But who really knows. All I know right now, is that it is tough. I hate it. I hate saying goodbye to my parents. And I know that someday this will all be looked upon without such deep pangs in my heart.
