Those who know called to see how the day was going for me. I was kept in thoughts and prayers for strength and comfort. But the day was uneventful for me. There were no tinges of pain, no ache'i'ness of a heavy heart - it was just another day. I thought about my mom of course. I thought about how blessed it was to spend so intensely the time together at the hospital. My mother KNEW she was loved as she struggled in the ICU madness. And we knew that she was loving us every time eyes locked in acknowledgement. I had my private time with her, unlocking the preciousness of our relationship through touch, little kisses to take her boo-boos away, prayers from Mary Ann Kilbane's Mass card, reading the Mass and singing many many songs. I felt like it was a payback time from all of her years taking care of me as a vulnerable and helpless baby and child. I gave back everything she had given me. I learned from her, the power of loving a child and then the power of loving a dying parent. What a circle of reality.
These days, I can be grateful. I can finally feel some enthusiasm for getting out of bed. There is some softness around the edges that have been so raw in the last two months. It is actually occurring to me to call friends and try to move toward a social life again. I know that it will ebb and flow but at least it has started to flow more toward life and living.
