Oh I was in a BAAAAAD mood the other day. I couldn't really pinpoint the why's of this bad mood. But it followed me around - like little pigpen of a Charlie Brown cartoon. It dogged my thoughts, my energy. My mouth was tightened and muscles pulled down. It was an annoying way to go through my day and I wanted it changed!
I thought "Okay, I haven't had exercise in days. I need a walk. I need a walk in a beautiful place." And what a kwinky dinky that I was already in Marin. I headed to Tennessee Valley for a walk to the beach. It was grey but looked like we had a reprieve from the rain. Bundled up with cap and gloves, I started my stroll to the beach....the grumbling of my bad mood provided the soundtrack. My refrain to its dissonant tune was "Come on Molly! Enjoy the scenery. Look at the hills, they are finally green again! Notice the landscape and rest your eyes on the beautiful setting. Come on! Come on!"
I got out to the beach and there was a huge sand split with runoff water rushing out to the ocean. I couldn't pass over without taking my shoes and socks off and it was too cold for that. So I managed to get over to the side of the cliffs and find a dry spot to watch the waves and feel the surge of the ocean. "Ahhhh this is good. This is bigger than me. This is something I cannot control." I could take in the force of something that was beyond myself. As I took in the view and matched my mood with the ocean, I started laughing to myself. I imagined the ocean saying to itself, "OH! I can't stand being this stormy and dirty. I can't stand this force behind my waves and having to crash so hard. This is just terrible. Why can't it be a calm day when my water is as blue as the sky and my waves rise and fall calmly on the beach? I really like myself then. Not now! All dirty and stirred up with no rhyme or reason to my actions." I understood that there was no reason to judge myself. The ocean does not judge itself. The natural world does no such thing. It exists as it does, ebbing and flowing with each change.
Why should I treat myself any differently? What if I accepted that I was in a bad mood and that was that? Oh what a sense of relief I felt. Amazing, the power of negative energy! I was given a new perspective. I was given a moment of reprieve from my big ol' all encompassing SELF! I was given room to breathe visually and physically. I felt better!!!!
I started in on my return walk and as I stepped off the rock, I fell into a sand sinkhole that filled up with water. Wet Feet!! I didn't laugh. The bad mood that dissipated rose up in glee. "YEAH!! Let's return to torture her!!" But I was buoyed by my relief and given a great refrain to talk back with. What if I said, "Isn't that wonderful?" to every complaint that came up? Now, I know that sounds really Stuart Smalley BUT it worked! I said, "Oh man, my shoes are all wet and my feet are gonna be cold for the walk back!" "Isn't that wonderful? I know what it is like to have warm feet to compare this experience with!" I tried it with my worries of financing a new car. "Oh I can't figure out how to deal with moving money around." "Isn't that wonderful? I have money to move around and the ability to buy a car." Well you get the drift. It worked to lift any cranky thought or complaint that I came up and the energy released from answering "Isn't it wonderful?" was much more pleasant that the original complaint.
So it was quite a little walk I had out to Tennessee Valley Beach yesterday. Hurray for nature! And Hurray for god-given energy shifts!
Sincerely signed,
Molly Anna
